The Real Problem is the Humidity

RITA, a beautiful, strong, sassy, elderly southern woman, defensive over accusations that the place that she calls home is home to some severe racial tensions. She speaks to LORETTA, a fresh out of college young woman who has come to intern for the small town’s Chamber of Commerce.


RITA
The thing that really kills ya is the humidity, cuz the air is just so thick you can just ‘bout take a butter knife and slap some of that son of a bitch on that fresh baked roll ya got there. That’s ‘bout the only real down side livin’ down here cuz everything else is all that good stuff you see in the movies about these here southern states. Folks are nice. Ya got a flat tire, someone’s gonna stop by and ask you “Hey there, need a hand?” Last time my grandson got a flat, six people stopped and tried to help him--six! And he knew all six of ‘em too. That’s another great thing ‘bout livin here is that you just ‘bout know ever’ person in the entire place. Sick? Gladys will send ya over some of her famous chicken noodle. Graduatin’? Make sure you got food for everyone ‘cuz the whole town’s gonna come celebrate with ya. You need help movin’? We’ll all be askin’ when we can be over to pack a box. Sometimes people get overwhelmed with all the help that people be wantin’ to give that you get numbed to it and start sayin things like “No thank you ma’am, I’m just fine” or “No sir, I’ve got it all covered,” and then you find yourself alone, wrapping glasses in bubble wrap and thinkin’ to yourself, why how the hell did this happen? That’s what it really is- all this and that about people bein’ racist. Some people just never take that hand up when it’s given so people get tired of askin’. There are plenty who still offer the hand--I’m one of ‘em. You wanna talk about “racial tension”- get all the folks in a room and make ‘em talk about the things they’ve got in common, cuz there’s a lot of them. We can start with the humidity!